the worst part about ugly dudes is everyone defends them like ‘he’s really funny though’ or something but if a chick is ugly to someone they just straight up dirt like they might as well not even have a personality
john oliver is really not fucking around
gently blow on the penis but do not blow too hard else he will get scared and retreat back inside
look if you unironically say ‘money can’t buy happiness’ then either you’ve never faced a real financial struggle or you’ve achieved enlightenment, because goddamn does financial security feel an awful lot like happiness when it’s something you’re not used to
drunk me is the me i really want to be. confident, hilarious and, most importantly, drunk.
Jamie Raskin - who is now a senator in Maryland and served as floor manager of the recently passed bill allowing same sex marriage.
OH SNAP, SON.
You think you’re going to be hip and teen forever and then suddenly you find yourself drinking red wine and playing board games and lusting after men with beards
young adult things: washing your colors with your whites because you don’t care you JUST don’t fucking care
primary source of income: when my mom gives me money to buy something and doesn’t ask for the change back